<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Wrong Grief by devastating</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122423">Wrong Grief</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating'>devastating</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, But kind of not really, But like seriously though, Felix Hugo Fraldarius Being an Asshole, Glenn Fraldarius dies but not really, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentioned Mercedes von Martritz, Not betta’d, Sad Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, Unresolved Ending, it’s an unresolved ending, it’s not detailed but it’s a big part, no but seriously, this is mainly a Sylvain focused fic, this is mainly a sad angry fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:21:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Glenn Fraldarius, Sylvain’s best friend since elementary school, died after a drunk driver hit him — that was at least what he told everyone that asked </p><p>___ </p><p>Or 5 times that Sylvain said what needed to be said and the one time that he didn’t</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius &amp; Glenn Fraldarius, Felix Hugo Fraldarius &amp; Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wrong Grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>What do you mean I can’t make Sylvain live through my own personal traumas so that I’m able to cope with them? What the hell else am I suppose to do?</p><p>Not but seriously, this is a heavy ish fic that looks into more sad themes and the like. There is an underlining sylvix plot but this is more of a Sylvain character fic than anything. </p><p>For those who want to bypass the implied self harm/ suicide that is talked about on number 4 for you folk. The ending paragraphs tells you the important stuff about that section</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>”He’s alive, that’s all that matters.”</em> </p><p>
  <strong>I.</strong>
</p><p>Sylvain watched as a water drop slowly rolled down the window of the hospital. It was raining, it had been for the past two days. He figured that the goddess wasn’t one to cut any corners and made sure that no one had any kind of chance to be happy on a day like this. Covering up the sun and blacking out the world the same way her choice had done to Sylvain’s heart. He breathed in slowly, closing his eyes. </p><p><em>”This is devastating news, tonight at approximately 7 pm. A drunk driver hit two pedestrians in the corner of 19th and Cichol. Both pedestrians were mere teenagers, one has already awakened and is expected to make a full recovery. The other is still in extreme conditions. Police are still looking for the culprit but we’ll have more news at 9.”</em> </p><p>He breathed out, the raindrop he had been tracking no longer there and now replaced by another. Replaced. Sylvain couldn’t help the puff of air that came out of him, half laugh and half sob. A replacement that was all it was, wasn't it?</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted at the sound of a door opening, he turned then to find a familiar face. Sylvain had never personally met him, but he knew just about everything of that boy that anyone could know. One of the perks of being his older brother's best friend he figured. The boy’s steps falter once he realizes he wasn’t the only one in the secluded hallway, his face twisting into a frown. Sylvain half expected for him to turn around and find some other secluded part of the hospital to mope at but instead, Felix simply walked over to him and sat by the window ledge he was next to. </p><p>He knows he should say something. He knows that there is something that has to be said to someone who’s loved one just went through a traumatic experience like this one. And yet his tongue lays flat in his mouth and his eyes keep tracking the raindrops on the window panel. Each of them drifting down and down until they disappear before his very eyes. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” is the first thing he thinks to tell the boy. He means to say that he’s sorry he’s going through this. He means to say that he’s sorry that Glenn is now hospitalized. What he says instead is, “I’m sorry for your loss.” </p><p>Instantly the boy turns to him, his face half morphed into horror and the other half pain. Though that quickly changes to anger as the boy fists his hands, his body now shaking like a leaf. “He’s not dead!” </p><p>“Isn’t he?” </p><p>He has no idea why he said that. He has no idea why he feels his eyes start to water. He knows, he knows that Glenn didn’t die. That his best friend is alive thanks to all the doctors of this hospital and not because random strangers prayed to the goddess that caused all of this. He knows Glenn survived, that he’s laying down on his bed two doors away from where he was at...and yet...</p><p><em>“He has lost all of his memories. He remembers common things like reading and writing but… the trauma that his head suffered has destroyed the part of his brain that holds the memories he once had. When he wakes, he won’t even remember his own name....”</em> </p><p>A hollow miserable laugh escapes his lips as the redhead leaned forward to the glass, letting his forehead rest on the coolness of it. The same raindrops he had been watching slowly dying and being replaced by others again and again. Something inside him breaks, it’s not a momentous boom or an all encompassing crash. It’s a small crack that he feels in his chest when he breathes in, a crack he knows that will never be healed again. </p><p>Shaky breaths come out of him now as he pulls away, taking a step back and looking at the boy besides him. He’s 15, according to Glenn he was more mature for his age compared to most but Sylvain knew now as he watched that boy hold back tears that his friend was wrong — Felix was still a kid. </p><p>He shook his head, turning to look away from him. “I’m leaving. If anyone asks, tell them that” Sylvain whispers already turning around to leave. </p><p>“You won’t even stay? For when he wakes up” Felix’s voice is low but even still, Sylvain could hear the quivering of it. The anger. </p><p>A memory flashes by his eyes. Of two boys forced to sit outside their principals office after having been caught smoking behind the bleachers, or more like one had been smoking and the other had been halfway through scolding him when they had been discovered. A memory of a raven haired boy glaring holes into a wall, his arms crossed over his chest, fingers digging into his skin. Anger radiating from him every passing second. </p><p>And a memory of a red headed boy leaning forward to try and apologize but knowing that that would mean nothing. That ‘I’m sorry’ would not fix the problem he had dragged his friend into. Of a red headed boy instead leaning back on his chair and whispering. </p><p><em>“Do you ever wish you had never met me?”</em> </p><p><em>“I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t, that’s for sure.”</em> </p><p> </p><p>Sylvain turns to look at Felix then, a hollow smile on his lips. “There’s just some people that it’s best Glenn never meets again.” He doesn’t wait for Felix’s reply. He doesn’t wait for the tear that wishes to spill out of his eye to drop. He simply turns and walks away, the crack in his chest getting bigger with each step he takes. It is only when he gets home that he realizes the crack is now a gaping hole. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>II.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The doorbell ringing is unexpected as Sylvain puts down the boxes he had been packing. He has four more days to pack before he heads out to college and says goodbye to this sad excuse of a city. He sighed, putting his current task on hold as he walked down the stairs of his house and to the front door. He was alone, like always, his father having gone on a business trip and so there were no guests that should be coming to his house. And it was too late in the day for it to be any kind of delivery and so with hesitation he opened his front door. </p><p>He did not expect to find Felix Fraldarius standing in front of him. </p><p>“Um. Hello?” He spoke hesitantly, one hand leaning on the door frame and the other still on the door knob. It had been 5 months now since the last time he had seen Felix. Since the last time he had seen any Fraldarius. </p><p>“Can I come in” Felix asked, his eyes drifting down to the floor and his shoulders hunched up. </p><p>“Y-Yeah sure.” He doesn’t know why he’s letting him inside. He doesn’t know why his brain is demanding him to take care of this kid and yet he steps to the side and leads Felix up to his room. The younger boy tensing up by the second even as he took a seat on his bed, his arms now hugging onto himself. He still couldn’t see him directly in his eye. </p><p>“Um, how’d you know where I lived?” Sylvain asked, just a small question to get the conversation going. </p><p>“Asked around,” Felix shrugged. </p><p>Sylvain frowned, “no one knows where I live.” That was the truth. Not even Glenn had known where he lived. Sylvain wasn’t allowed visitors to the house and his father also didn’t allow him to go anywhere after school and so once the bell rang and school was over, Sylvain was practically dead to the world apart from text messages. Felix mumbled then, his voice too low for Sylvain to hear. “What did you say?” </p><p>“I broke into the office” Felix's voice faltered, the small boy turning himself even more away from Sylvain. “Broke into the highschool and got your stuff from there…” </p><p>Sylvain blinked. Unsure of what to do about that. In a way, yes extremely creepy and totally not okay at all. But the part of him that was wanting to help Felix out kept talking over all of his common sense. He slowly sat down on the bed, making sure to give Felix some space. “Okay….and why did you— why did you do that?” </p><p>Felix chewed on his lip for a couple of seconds, his nails digging into his bicep. He breathed out shakily before whispering, “I don’t know who else to talk to…” </p><p>In an instant, any kind of doubt or apprehension flew out the window and Sylvain was shifting to get closer to Felix. “What’s wrong?” </p><p>Felix shook his head, his eyes scrunching up. “It’s wrong. It’s wrong.” </p><p>“What’s wrong?” </p><p>Only then did Felix turn to look at him, tears now rolling down his cheeks. “That’s not Glenn. That’s not my brother.”</p><p>“Felix...” he breathed out, immediately grabbing the boy's wrist and pulling him into a hug. Felix just clung onto his shirt, nuzzling his face into the crook of Sylvain’s neck as sob after sob was ripped out of him. </p><p>“It’s wrong. It’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t be crying. He’s alive and he’s my brother but-but he’s not Glenn” Felix managed to say in between sobs, his hands fisting the fabric of Sylvain shirt. “That’s not my brother.” </p><p>“I know” Sylvain whispered, hugging Felix tighter and rubbing his back with his hand. “I know.” </p><p>“But everyone’s so fucken happy. He’s alive Felix, that’s all that matters” Felix spat out, venom and pain laced into his words. “He’s not. He’s not. He’s dead, he’s fucken dead.” </p><p>Sylvain felt his chest get tighter, for months now he had felt the same way. He had lost a good number of friends because of his constant denial to see Glenn again. He had even been slapped by Mercedes, his and Glenns closest girl friend. He would never forget the way tears had rolled down her cheeks that day. </p><p><em>”You really are selfish you know that? Glenn would’ve been there for you.”</em> </p><p>But Glenn was dead, the one he knew at least. It was both relieving and painful to know that someone else felt the same way as him. That he wasn’t the only one that was grieving for the man he had once known and cared for. </p><p>“I can’t even grieve for my own fucken brother” Felix sobbed out, his entire body now shaking as tears streamed down with no sign of ending. </p><p>Sylvain could only hold him closer, one hand cradling the back of his head and the other holding his waist, trying to pull him closer and closer to him. Maybe if he was close enough they could share this pain of losing the one person they both cared about. He looked up at his ceiling there, noticing the way tears were now rolling down his cheeks. </p><p>He breathed out shakily, “I know. I miss him too. I miss him more than anything” he whispered, his voice causing the remaining walls that Felix had up to come crashing down. The boy now wailing in his arms, clinging to him so desperately that it ripped Sylvain’s remaining heart to shreds. </p><p>He held him, he held him and tried to keep him together. To keep Felix from breaking more than he already was, as if his arms could hold the shattered pieces that were this boy. In the back of his mind he realized now why he was doing this, why he had let Felix into his home without asking. Felix had been Glenn’s pride and joy, the most precious thing to him. Not a day went by when Sylvain hadn’t heard Glenn talk about his brother, even if it was about the most mundane uninteresting event, Glenn always talked about him. Because Glenn loved him, he loved Felix with the force of a hundred suns. Felix was his world and his heart and he would have done anything, <em>had</em> done anything to make sure that his brother was okay. </p><p>But Glenn was gone now. And Felix was no longer okay. </p><p>Whether it was loyalty to his friend or something else that was sprouting inside of his chest, Sylvain made a promise in that moment as the boy wailed in his arms, that he would do anything to make sure that Felix would be okay. </p><p>It took hours for Felix to calm down, by the time he had cried all the tears that he could the sun had set and both of them were now laying on Sylvain’s bed. The younger man shifted, his face now nuzzled into his chest and his arms still clinging to his shirt. Sylvain was sure that he would have to iron it to get rid of the wrinkles from it being fisted like that. </p><p>“I thought..” Felix’s voice was a hoarse whisper, the first sound in what felt like an eternity of silence. “We all thought that we knew Glenn,” Felix’s laugh was hollow. “That we knew enough to be able to fill up all the gaps and go back to how it was… apparently there’s a lot we’re missing…”</p><p>Sylvain shifted himself, turning to his side so that he could look at Felix. “You can tell him everything you know. Everyone can tell him every single memory word for word and it still can’t replace his own memories Felix. It’s not that you didn’t know him...you just didn’t know what was going on in his head 24/7.” </p><p>Felix frowned, leaning forward to hide his face in his chest. “You never come.” </p><p>Sylvain can’t say he wasn’t expecting that. Can’t say that he’s surprised that Glenn’s brother would be calling him out on the fact that he wasn’t visiting Glenn. The man he once used to call his best friend. The man that he had known since he was 8 years old and trusted more than anyone in his life. </p><p>“I don’t.” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>Sylvain breathed in slowly, “It’s like you said. That’s not Glenn anymore.” </p><p>Felix sat up then, frowning down at the redhead. “All of his other friends come. They’re all there for him.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>Somehow that answer didn’t anger Felix, instead it caused him to falter before he looked away. “Glenn doesn’t like them….” </p><p>That caused a small laugh to escape Sylvain’s lips, “yeah well. The only reason they became his friends was because they had been my friends first.” </p><p>Felix turned to him then hesitating before finally speaking, “how did you and Glenn become friends?” </p><p>Sylvain sighed, bringing his arms up to cross them behind his head. “I was eight. We had the same class together and he sat behind me. He hated me at first, though I’m pretty sure he hated everyone and anyone” he shrugged. “One day I came to school with a broken arm and everyone was signing it and when it came down to him to sign it he frowned at me. Asked me why I was happy about breaking my arm…” </p><p>Sylvain trailed off then. The memory still vivid and bright in his mind. It was only then that Sylvain recognized why it hurt so much that Glenn had forgotten everything. Yes this meant that Glenn was no longer Glenn but Sylvain was sure that even if he became Glenn again, that if he had the same personality and same mannerism, he still wouldn’t be able to see him as a friend. Because at the end of the day Glenn hadn’t become his friend because of some silly game or some fond memory. No. Glenn had become his friend because a month later when Sylvain came to school with a twisted ankle, Glenn was the first to pull him to the side and ask him if he was okay. </p><p>It hadn’t been his teacher. It hadn’t been an adult. It had been an 8 year old boy who hadn’t given him the time of day for months that was the first to piece together what was going on in his home. A small boy that took his silence as an answer and then made it his life mission to make sure that he was at least okay outside of his home. That wasn’t something that could be explained to Glenn. That wasn’t something that Sylvain could just sit in front of the man and say. That their friendship was born out of his own pain and Glenn’s desire to help those in need and not the bright and happy way that everyone else met him. </p><p>“We didn’t become friends like everyone else” Sylvain finished, looking up at the ceiling and feeling the gaping hole in his chest ache with each breath. </p><p>Then a small hand touched his chest and then there was weight on him as Felix fell on top of him, his arms hugging him and his face hidden in the crook of his neck. “I think that you’re one of the people that Glenn should meet again.” </p><p>Sylvain hummed, his eyes watering up at the words that Felix spoke to him. “Maybe.” Was all he was able to say before he closed his eyes and let the weight of everything around him lull him to sleep. </p><p>He woke up the next morning with the side of his bed still warm and a sticky note on his mirror: </p><p><em>Text me: ###########, at least before you leave</em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>III.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>His chest is being kissed the minute his phone starts to ring. At first he obviously ignores it and instead focuses on the man that’s in between his thighs, mouth dragging lower and lower. But then his phone starts to ring again, he turns then to shut it up but the caller ID immediately makes it so that he is sitting up, past activities completely ignored despite the shocked angry yell from the other man. </p><p>“Felix?” he breathes out the minute he picks up the phone, the man in front of him crawling to probably touch him or kiss him, doesn’t matter, Sylvain puts his foot on the man's shoulder as he kicks him away and glares at him. </p><p>“Sylvain?” Felix’s voice is hesitant. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” </p><p>“Nothing” the answer is too fast, immediately Sylvain knows something is wrong but before he could ask for more Felix is speaking again. “Are you still in Garreg Mach?” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’m in my apartment right now” he answers. The man in his room now looks at him with an incredulous look. Sylvain just rolls his eyes at him, pressing mute on his phone before turning to him. “Hey you uh mind stepping out? This is kind of important.” </p><p>“Are you fucken kidding?” </p><p>Sylvain doesn’t answer that, he simply waves his hand towards the door and puts his phone back to his ear just in time for Felix to start speaking again. “Are you busy right now?” </p><p>“No not at all” he answers nonchalantly, his front door slamming as the man walked out cursing him out under his breath. “I’m free as can be.” </p><p>There isn’t an answer from Felix for a while, though Sylvain knows he’s still on the line because he can occasionally hear him breath. Still, he hasn’t said anything at all and worry starts growing into the pit of his stomach. “Uh Felix are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” </p><p>“Can you come pick me up?” Felix's voice comes out fast and unsteady. “I’m at the bus station.” </p><p>Sylvain blinks. “Wait like— the bus station here in Garreg Mach?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Um. Yeah. Yeah totally uh give me a second to get dressed and I’ll head over there” Sylvain is already pulling a shirt over his head by the time he finishes speaking. Deep down he knows that he should be questioning this, that he should be asking Felix why he’s suddenly in Garreg Mach. Why he sounds like he’s two seconds from a mental breakdown. Why Felix is at a bus station at 10 pm at <em>night</em>. </p><p>And yet he doesn’t ask. </p><p>He doesn’t ask anything, he simply tells Felix he’s heading out already and he hangs up the phone. Getting into his car and driving to his destination with static in his mind. He isn’t panicking, nor is he freaking out. He is however, getting more worried by the second because the realization that Felix is here <em>alone</em> this late at night is enough to get his protective instincts to go haywire. Over the past couple of months of him talking with the man he’s been able to get those instincts under control, constant echoes of: ‘you can’t tell Felix what to do’, ‘if Felix wants to do that it’s his decision’, ‘you’re just a friend you can’t say that’. It’s a repeating playlist in his mind every time he talks to the man, one that he can usually put on mute but tonight there’s no way that he can do that given the circumstances. </p><p>By the time he’s pulling up to the bus station, Felix is already waiting outside of the building. He’s dragging a suitcase and a bag pack, a scarf covering most of his face, and a thin sports jacket, the only thing stopping the frigid winter wind from slapping against his skin. Instantly the boy spots him and runs over to his car. Before Sylvain can even put in park, Felix is already prying the door open and jumping in. Throwing his bag and suitcase to the back haphazardly, not meeting Sylvain’s eyes the entire time. Even once he closes the door and Sylvain starts to pull out of the parking lot, Felix just stays curled up on his seat, glaring to the road ahead. </p><p>“So” Sylvain speaks hesitantly. “What happened?” </p><p>“I can’t stay in that house anymore” Felix answered, his voice calm despite the words that he was speaking. “I can’t stay there for a second longer.” </p><p>“Alright” he answered slowly, turning left to merge into the highway. “So then you came here?” </p><p>Felix huffed, “obviously.” </p><p>If this was any other day Sylvain would argue that Felix running off to Garreg Mach of all places wasn’t an actual obvious choice. Last he knew, he was the only person that Felix knew that lived in Garreg Mach.... Then again, he was the only person Felix knew that didn’t live in Fhirdiad so if it was a question of wanting to leave Fhirdiad then yes he was the obvious choice. However, if he wanted to just leave his house he knew that his other friends would have gladly taken him in. </p><p>“You never thought about going to your other friends like Ana? Is that her name? I completely forg-“ </p><p>“Annette. And no” Felix answered, frowning as he turned to him. “I can leave if that’s what you want.” </p><p>“That’s <em>not</em> what I said,” Sylvain pointed at him, risking a second to look at him and frown before turning back to look at the road. “I am just saying that going on a 10 hour long trip from Fhirdiad to here seems a little extreme for just feeling like you don’t want to stay in your house anymore.” Felix just turned to look out the window, the frown still sketched into his face. </p><p>Sylvain sighed, “look. I’m happy you’re here. Believe it or not, I’ve been wanting to see your grouchy face” Sylvain smiled at the man. “All I want to know is what the plan is.” </p><p>The younger man sighed, some of the tension on his shoulders slowly easing out of him. “I don’t know...I just— i didn’t want to stay there and I knew if I stayed in Fhirdiad that they would come looking for me.” </p><p>Sylvain nearly slammed on his brakes. “Wait! They don’t know you’re here?!” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>At this point Sylvain took the first exit out of the highway to park at the first parking lot he found and turned to the man, breathing in slowly. “Felix please tell you didn’t just run away from home.” Felix looked away from him and that alone was an answer of itself. “Felix. Why—what—when-” Sylvain groaned out in frustration, slamming his face on his steering wheel. “Felix!” </p><p>“I have some money I won’t be mooching off of you,” Felix mumbled quietly. Somehow that just made things worse. </p><p>“That’s not-“ Sylvain breathed in, his hands curling themselves on the wheel. “Why did you run away?” </p><p>“I already answered that.” </p><p>“No! No you didn’t! You just said you couldn’t stay there, for fucks sake Felix. Running away isn’t just a random thing to do! Do you realize that your dad could literally call the cops right now” Sylvain asked, though he was 100% sure that his dad probably already had since it was 10 pm and the drive here from Fhirdiad was 10 hours. Meaning that Felix has been missing for at least that long. </p><p>“Whatever. Just drop me off in some hotel then since you don’t want me here” Felix was hugging himself now. </p><p>That instantly made Sylvain groan, “Stop making it sound like I want to kick you out! I never said that I don’t want you here” Sylvain said before breathing in and pushing down his anxiety. “I want you here and I want to help you but Felix I’m going to need the full story to be able to do that.” </p><p>The younger man just frowned, his jaw clenching as he looked out the window. The silence in the car was deafening and Sylvain was about to say something when Felix’s stomach suddenly growled so loud that Sylvain couldn’t help the laugh that came out of him, even if that made Felix turn a thousand shades of red. </p><p>“Okay look, let's get you some food” Sylvain chuckled as he turned the car back on. “We can eat and talk about other stuff but you’re telling me everything before we go to bed. Deal?” </p><p>Felix grumbled something similar to an ‘okay’ and so Sylvain took that as an answer. Deciding to stop at a fast food joint to get takeout to bring to his place. For the most part he talked about random things, filling the silence with tidbits of his own life and what Garreg Mach has been like. He was giving Felix the space that he needed, making sure that Felix stopped being — well what he was like at the moment. </p><p>Closed off. Tired. Anxious. Not only that but anything that Sylvain said that slightly sounded like Felix coming here was a mistake caused the man to immediately go on the defensive. Sylvain could look into that, really dig deep into the ‘why’ Felix felt like no one wanted him around. Of course, mentally he was digging into that. Every time Felix snapped at him or any frown that stayed in his face was all catalogued into his brain. Outside? He was making sure to keep the mood light. </p><p>“Welcome to my humble abode” Sylvain smiled as he opened the door to his studio apartment. Thankfully, it was clean despite having had a prior ‘guest’ a couple of minutes before. It was small and had Sylvain been more of a materialistic kind of guy, he was sure that it would get pretty cramped. However, he wasn't, and so instead his apartment looked almost as if it had been dragged out of an interior design magazine and Sylvain was very proud of that. </p><p>“It’s small,” Felix mumbled and instantly Sylvain was pouting at the man. </p><p>“Not my fault it’s small, it was the only apartment left that was close to campus. It was either this or the dorms” Sylvain huffed in fake annoyance as he walked over to his dining table and patted the seat in front of him for Felix to sit at. “Anyways let's eat, clearly you’re hungry.” </p><p>Felix just grumbled at him as he took a seat and the two ate in silence. That was fine, Sylvain figured that Felix had had a long day so he was willing to give him some space. Instead spending his time on his phone and mindlessly eating his burger. Giving Felix his space was the one thing he had learned about Felix since the two had started talking, on a daily basis mind you. That had been the biggest shock to him because he remembered Glenn always complaining about how much his brother sucked at not only texting but making friends. And yet, here Sylvain was, four months into this weird friendship, having constant text conversations with the younger man and by constant he meant <em>constant</em>. It wasn’t even just Sylvain texting either, there were days he would wake up to a text from Felix (usually a simple question that was clearly just asked to start the conversation) and most recently Felix had taken a liking to calling him. Usually it was just an “accidental” call (Sylvain believed it the first time but after 8 times it was clear it wasn’t a butt dial) but still, the two would talk for hours about anything that was on their minds. </p><p>So Sylvain could wholeheartedly say that he knew Felix. Knew him enough that he wasn’t surprised when the younger man slammed his drink on the table and looked up at him with a frown. </p><p>“They haven’t even texted me.” </p><p>“Who” Sylvain asked innocently though that just made Felix’s frown get deeper. </p><p>“My dad. Glenn. All of them. None of them have even texted me once today and I left my house at 7 in the morning.” Sylvain thought it entirely fair for him to suddenly want to punch Felix’s dad in the face. To punch everyone actually if he was being completely honest with himself. </p><p>“Not once” he asked hesitantly. Felix just grabbed his phone and threw it at him. Sylvain quickly opened and his stomach dropped when he realized that Felix was speaking the truth. His two most recent text conversations were from him and Annette, both of them were just random conversations and that was it. He could feel himself getting angry, he knew that his face was clearly showing that from the way Felix shifted in his spot but that — Sylvain was not okay. </p><p>He really was not okay. </p><p>He threw Felix his phone and grabbed his. Opening his contacts to a name he hadn’t pressed in a long time but any apprehension or fear he had felt at that name was now gone and replaced with bitter anger as he dialed the number. The entire time Felix was looking at him confused, clearly not knowing what was happening but that was fine. If he asked, Sylvain was sure he would explode on him and he wasn’t the one that was deserving of his wrath right now. </p><p>“Hello?” </p><p>“You’re a real sack of shit you know that” Sylvain’s voice was foreign even to him. The venom and anger that was laced in his words were clear as day as he let the floodgates open. “15 hours. 15 hours your little brother has been missing and you dont even give a shit about him?! I already knew that you weren’t the Glenn I knew but even this is disgusting for someone like <em>you</em>.” </p><p>He stood up from his chair then, turning away to pace around his apartment. “He could be dead. He could have been fucken kidnapped and your pathetic excuse of a father never even realized he was gone?! Are you fucken kidding me Glenn?! Fifteen fucken hours he was gone and what the hell have you been doing? You’re damn fucken lucky he came to me instead of fucking off to Sreng though I wouldn’t blame him if he had, given the fact that none of you cared enough to notice he was gone!” </p><p>He breathed in sharply, a horrible laugh coming out of him that sounded cruel even to him. “You always preached to me that your family loved each other unconditionally! That your family was the picture perfect family that movies were made of, but you know what Glenn? Even my fucken family. Even my fucked up depraved sick fucken family would notice if i was gone for 15 fucken hours! Even my fucken brother, the sick son of a bitch that he is, would notice if I was missing for 15 fucken hours!” </p><p>He laughed again, “you know what that makes you Glenn? That makes you a worse older brother than Miklan. That makes you a worse older brother than my own fucken brother that put a gun to my head and threatened to blow my brains out onto the wall! Because at least Miklan would have noticed I was gone, he would’ve been happy. Oh he would have been overjoyed but you? You didn’t even notice!” </p><p>A shaky breath came out of him, only then did he notice how much his body was shaking. “Just because you lost your goddamn memories doesn’t mean that you get an excuse for being a shit brother! Just because you can’t remember what the hell you were doing when you were 5 years old doesn’t give you the fucken excuse to ignore someone that loves you as much as Felix does! Losing your memories doesn't mean that you lost your goddamn heart” he spat out before breathing in shallowly. “But it’s fine right? You lost your memories so you’re the one that gets the pity party. You’re the one that everyone will love and baby because poor Glenn doesn’t remember.” </p><p>He scoffed, looking out the window, his reflection showing the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. There was silence on the other end of the line but Sylvain didn’t have to look at his phone to know that Glenn was still on the line. He knew. He knew that he hadn’t hung up yet. </p><p>“Your brother is with me. And no. I’m not driving him back to Faerghus unless he wants to. Thought that I’d let you know that” Sylvain’s tone was hollow before he hung up the phone. His entire body was shaking and his breathing was bordering hyperventilation. He was mad. He had never in his life been this angry. The Glenn he knew, the Glenn he cared about would have noticed Felix was gone after 10 minutes of Felix leaving. The Glenn he grew up with would not have let something like losing his memories stop him from loving his brother. </p><p>But that wasn’t the Glenn that he knew. </p><p>He had been foolish to think that deep down, he would get that Glenn back. </p><p>He let out a yell as he threw his phone at the wall, the device shattering on impact. He breathed out sharply, hands grabbing at his hair as he collapsed on his couch with his head between his knees. He had grieved for Glenn before. He had been grieving for him for a long time now. Somehow this just felt like he was back to step one of grieving. </p><p>“Sylvain…” </p><p>He slowly looked up then, Felix was standing up now. There was both worry and hesitation in his eyes both of which Sylvain didn’t fault him for. “I’m sorry” he whispered, looking away from the man. “You never deserved any of this shit.” </p><p>Felix’s footsteps were soft on the floor, a weight dipped the couch down until there were arms around his shoulder and a face resting on his back. Felix didn’t say anything so neither did Sylvain. The two stayed close together until the sun started to rise. Only then did Sylvain manage to get Felix into his bed, the two gravitating towards each other once the covers were over them and even as the birds started to sing, Sylvain didn’t sleep, the anger still simmering on his skin. It wasn’t until much later that sleep would take him and by then, the anger had filled that hole inside of him. He woke later, the sun nearly setting. Felix was sitting up with his phone in his hand, it was on silent but Sylvain could see the screen light up and then shut off and then light up again. </p><p>“Are they calling you” he asked, his voice hoarse from sleep. </p><p>“Glenn is” Felix whispered, his eyes locked onto the screen as it kept repeating the same dance. “I don’t want to talk to any of them.” </p><p>“Then don’t” Sylvain whispered, grabbing the phone from Felix’s hands and putting it on his night stand. “Just lay down. You can deal with that when you want to.” </p><p>And he did. Felix didn’t end up leaving Garreg Mach until 4 days later when his father threatened to call authorities to bring him home. Even as Felix packed his bags, the younger man still stayed quiet just like he had for the past couple of days that he had stayed with him. </p><p>“You never told me why you didn’t want to stay at your house anymore,” Sylvain spoke up once they were both in his car and on their way to the bus station. </p><p>Felix breathed in slowly, his eyes locked on the road besides them. “No one sees me there. It’s all about Glenn...” </p><p>Sylvain hummed quietly as he merged into the highway. “If you feel like that again, tell me... I don’t mind you staying with me.” </p><p>Felix nodded, words stuck in his throat. It was only once Sylvain was pulling up on the bus station that the man turned to him then. “Thank you..” </p><p>He smiled at the younger boy, “no need for that. You know I don’t mind your grouchy face.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>IV.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have a best friend?” </p><p>He felt his chest tighten as he looked over to his coworker, the pink haired girl eyeing him patiently, having gone one her own rant for the past two hours about her own best friend and how much of a nuisance he was at times. </p><p>“No. No I don’t” he answered with a smile despite the numbness in his tongue. </p><p>“Really? Not even an old childhood friend” she asked, tilting her head. </p><p>“I used to,” he answered, the edges of his world growing hazy. “He died.” </p><p>The haziness doesn’t leave even as he clocked out of work and walked back to his apartment. The coldness in his bones spread with each breath he took until he felt his lungs begin to ache. This was not the first time he had experienced this before, nor would it ever be the last time that he experienced it either. </p><p>A mixture of guilt and grief, a sick twisted concoction that brewed inside of him. </p><p><em>“He died.”</em> </p><p>Tears are rolling down his cheeks with the memory of the weight of those words. He wasn’t lying and somehow that was what made things worse. Felix had once explained that losing Glenn felt wrong because Glenn was still alive and was still there but for Sylvain it was more than just that. It wasn’t just the grief of losing a friend that he once loved but also knowing that he was choosing to move on. </p><p>Felix still had Glenn, even if it was a weird newly formed creation. At the end of the day, he still told others that he has a brother. At the end of the day, he would not have uttered the words that Sylvain had earlier today. </p><p><em>”I used to.”</em> </p><p>Maybe in another life he wouldn’t have to say that. Maybe in another life Glenn would’ve never been hit by a drunk driver and would be living with him now in Garreg Mach like the two had planned all those years back. </p><p>In another life maybe Sylvain would’ve never walked away. </p><p>That was why the tears kept spilling. It was wrong to grieve for a man that hadn’t died but it was even more wrong to grieve for a friendship that you killed off yourself. He had walked away. He had made the conscious decision of walking away and never rekindling what they both had. From what Felix told him, everyone else had done that. If his social media was right, Mercedes was out at the movies with him tonight, the night immortalized by a single picture with two bright and vivid smiles. To Mercedes, Glenn was not dead. To Mercedes, he had never died. </p><p>He breathed in shakily, his hands trembling as he looked over to his nightstand. A habit, nasty and disgusting, baring it teeth at him and tempting him. The shine of the blade reflected the moon in a reminder that tonight he is alone, tonight he does not have a best friend, while others do. There is no euphoria to have in falling into temptation, there is no peace or no safety line like some might say. To Sylvain it is simply a way to scratch and itch. A tight rope that extends from tomorrow's sunrise and the grave. A blade sounds so much better than a bottle of pills. </p><p>Was his cellphone falling from his pocket that stops him in the middle of the tightrope, his breath hitching slightly before the image of Felix flashed before his eyes, the way he would frown at the current state he was in. That made a small bubble well up in his throat. Felix. </p><p>That was a loaded gun if Sylvain had ever seen one. Why did he even care about Felix? He somewhat wished that the he had asked himself that earlier in their friendship, when he was holding Glenn’s younger brother in his arms and not <em>Felix</em>. Back then he would have answered the exact conclusion he had come to that night: he cared about him because his Glenn had cared about him. But now, it wasn't that simple. </p><p>He wasn’t Glenn’s little brother — he was Fe. Fe who calls him every day and texts him no matter what. Fe who is always there to hear him rant about life and there to keep him company. Fe who always manages to call just at the right moment when Sylvain needs him must. Fe who is so heavenly beautiful despite all his broken cracks and sharp edges. Fe who laughs at his stupid jokes and gets excited about nerdy things with him. Fe who actually sees the good in him but also the bad and still chooses to stay. </p><p>Fe who Sylvain has come to realize he must have fallen in love with that day he had seen him in the hospital two and half years ago. </p><p>He breathed out slowly, picking up the phone and dialing the younger man’s number. It was rare for him to be the one calling especially so late at night. He usually sent a text asking to talk to Felix and then they would call each other, it was never such a brazen decision and yet he felt himself dangling on this tightrope and all he could do was breath in and breath out as the phone rang. </p><p><em>“The number you have dialed is not available at this time, please leave a message or try your call again.”</em> </p><p>He let a small chuckle come out, breathless and pained. “Oh, shit. Guess you’re busy right now.”</p><p>Sylvain breathed in shakily, numbness filling up his veins as the silence of the line mocked him, unable to will his tongue to do anything but sit in his mouth. Where pain was, emerged a cold fistering wound. One that with each breath he took burned as he felt his feet stumble on the tightrope he was walking. </p><p>Of course Felix wouldn’t answer tonight. Goddess be damned that he ever got what he wanted. He felt tears now stream down his cheek as he breathed out. Goddess be damned. </p><p>“Hey Fe. I just—I just wanted to let you know that I…” The sirens call of the bottle now called his name. “I just wanted you to know that I love you— fuck Felix I love you. I don’t know when it happened and I don’t know why it did but I do. I love you so much” he breathed out shakily. “I know you won’t believe me, i know you’ll think that this is just some joke or that I hit my head. Hell, you’ll probably think something really fucken horrible like I’m trying to replace Glenn with you but I’m not. I never loved Glenn but I don’t think I can ever not love you. I can live without him but I’m too selfish to live without you. And I— I’m sorry. I really am selfish and I’m so fucken sorry” he sobbed out. “I love you and I—”</p><p><em>“Message full, goodbye.”</em> </p><p>He let his phone hit the floor as he felt himself lose his footing on the tightrope. The edges of the world getting darker and darker until he followed the sirens call and his body fell into the abyss that lay below the tightrope.  </p><p>He woke up to the sun setting and a fist banging on his front door. Shaky heavy bangs that grew more and more frantic as Sylvain blinked away the haziness around him. The banging only got louder as Sylvain got up, his entire body aching and begging him to stay in bed but he knew he would never be able to sleep with all that noise. Groggily he walked over, completely uncaring of his appearance as he unlocked his door and opened it. His brain blanked, too muddled to even process that Felix was standing in front of him. That Felix was now wrapping his arms around him and hugging him with the kind of desperation Sylvain would’ve never thought it possible to be had from someone like Felix. </p><p>“Sylvain” Felix breathed out, still clinging onto him. “Why didn’t you answer your fucken phone, why didn't you fucken answer?” </p><p>He blinked looking down at Felix and then back to his apartment, the memories of the night before slowly filling in the blanks until Sylvain was left with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. “I was drunk.” </p><p>Hands pushed at his chest, causing him to stumble into his apartment, focusing on his footing as he heard his door close. Barely having the time to look up before there were lips crashing onto his, it was messy and it was bordering on pain but still, a whine was ripped out of his chest as his hands found Felix’s shirt and pulled him closer to him. Shaky hands grabbing onto his waist as Felix kissed him like they were about to head to war. </p><p>“Don’t ever” Felix breathed out, leaning up to kiss him again before pulling away just enough to speak. “Scare me like that again.” </p><p>“I won’t” he whispered, kissing Felix’s jaw and neck, his arms wrapping around the younger boy and pulling him closer and closer until everything was <em>Felix</em> and the rope behind him was long forgotten. “I won’t.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>V.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Sylvain wakes up to hair in his mouth, his entire body covered in sweat despite the odd absence of blankets, a numb arm, and his back aching at the weird angle he slept up. However any annoyance he could’ve had about this was thrown out the window at the sound of a familiar grunt. A smile slowly spread on his face as he shifted so that he was able to kiss the shoulder of the man that was sharing his bed. </p><p>“Morning beautiful” he whispered, smiling as Felix turned around. A picture perfect image of beauty — his hair a rat's nest, dried up drool going up to his cheek, sleep shut eyes, markings of not only the pillow but also Sylvain’s shirt on his face, and lastly, the man was completely cocooned in blankets to the point that all you could see was his face and that was it. </p><p>“What time is it” Felix mumbled, frowning at the light peeking through the curtains. </p><p>“Probably past noon” he grinned at the grunt that came out of the man. “To be fair we stayed up for a while last night.”</p><p>“And who’s fault is that?” </p><p>“Aw come on Fe, you weren’t complaining about it yesterday.” Felix rolled his eyes before hitting him with a pillow, the redhead laughing as the other man huffed and finally got out of bed. </p><p>“You should consider yourself lucky that I even stayed the night, I have a class later today” Felix mumbled, though the slight fondness in his eyes told Sylvain everything that he needed to know. </p><p>“It was raining! You’re not so desperate to get away from me to leave while it stormed” Sylvain chuckled, stretching his arms and back before getting out of bed and following Felix to the kitchen. “Plus, it’s not like you wouldn’t be coming over here right now if you <em>had</em> left so we’re just being eco friendly.” </p><p>“Oh yeah totally.” </p><p>Sylvain laughed, going through the motions of what was now their frequent morning routine. He would make the coffee and Felix would start on the breakfast as the two listened to whatever channel Felix put on the tv (usually National Geographic). They had been officially dating for 5 months now though if you counted their ‘unofficial’ time together which was when they first got together after Sylvain’s fated voicemail and the ‘we broke up after a silly argument but we’re still talking we’re just not men enough to apologize and make up yet’. Then they had been together for 11 months now. </p><p>It wasn’t perfectly, obviously it wasn’t perfect when it came to two mentally unstable men deciding to suddenly want to give love a try. But it worked and Sylvain would be lying if he said that this wasn’t the happiest he had ever been in his entire life. It had especially been close to perfect the past month and a half, all issues that they had in the beginning all settled and the two finally were at the point of their relationship were they <em>knew</em> each other. Sylvain knew that Felix calling him a “stupid dumbass” was not a genuine insult but just Felix being frustrated by his antics. And Felix knew that Sylvain flirting with the waitress wasn’t him being unfaithful he was just… a stupid dumbass. </p><p>Everything was as close to perfect for the two now that they had fixed those kinks….but not entirely perfect just yet. </p><p>Sylvain was halfway through pouring them their coffee when Felix’s phone started ringing, blaring the ringtone that had been brought up for most if not all their fights. Felix sighed, walking over to the bed and picking up. </p><p>“Glenn?” Felix huffed, sitting down and giving Sylvain the look of ‘watch the eggs’ while he continued to listen to whatever was being said on the other line. </p><p>Glenn, for all intents and purposes, was and probably always would be a kink in their relationship after all that was the only reason why they had met in the first place. Their grief for the man having been the reason why they had grown attached to each other. However, where Sylvain grieved and coped with the reality of not having his friend anymore, Felix stopped grieving and was now happily living with Glenn. Things weren’t the same obviously, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that the two had gotten closer to one another and made up. That the wrongs had been righted and that they were now siblings, true siblings. </p><p>Ever since Felix had moved to Garreg Mach for college, Sylvain had been a witness to that sibling relationship. He was forced to see how Glenn was back to being a dotting and loving older brother that was constantly trying to reach out to Felix and be there for him. He called daily, and they texted almost every minute of every day. Felix said that there were still times where Glenn felt “wrong” but he no longer called Glenn by his name when he talked about him to other people. He called him his older brother. </p><p>That was what had caused the last kink in their relationship. Felix had moved on and Sylvain was stuck. Of course he was happy that Felix had his brother back, of course he was more than overjoyed to see that bring Felix genuine happiness. But there were still days where someone would ask him personally about Glenn and he would answer all the same, he died. The first time Felix heard him say that was the biggest fight they had had in the history of their relationship. </p><p>They were better now. Sylvain opened up about why he felt the way that he did and finally answered the question everyone had asked him in the years since Glenn’s accident. </p><p><em>“Why won’t you talk to him?”</em> </p><p>Fear. Grief. Guilt. Anxiety. Anger. All five emotions felt so deeply inside of him that just the mere sound of Glenn’s voice caused him to deep dive into one of them. Felix understood though, he did. He never pushed him to make amends, he never pushed him to “right his wrongs” and talk to Glenn. Though Felix also kept things honest with him, he never held back the truth. </p><p>He didn’t hide from him the fact that Glenn knew that he used to have a best friend. Not only had everyone told him about “Sylvain” (though they never dropped his name) but that Glenn had old letters the two would send each other that had started before they got a phone and continued through their years of their friendship stashed away in his room that he had stumbled upon one day. That Glenn had been the most upset when he had found out that his best friend had just walked away without trying to rekindle their friendship. </p><p>Because of that, Felix had been hesitant to break the news to anyone in his life that he was dating him. Felix’s friends and family didn’t know that Sylvain was Glenn’s friend, that one phone call he had shared with Glenn when Felix ran away had happened so long ago that they remembered him yelling but never his name. But Glenn’s friends? His old friends? What would they think? Sylvain, a coward that left his best friend to hook up with the younger brother instead. Felix knew that wasn’t the case. Sylvain knew that wasn’t the case. But it looked exactly like that. </p><p>He served the eggs on a plate and looked up at the ceiling. Holiday season was coming which meant that Felix would have to go back home for that, their secret would be dangerously close to being revealed. A knot formed in his stomach at the thought of things being discovered without him being prepared for it. Without Felix having any kind of backup. </p><p>“Bye talk to you later” Felix’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts as the younger man walked over to him, giving him a questioning stare. </p><p>He loved him. Goddess Sylvain loved him more than he would ever be able to comprehend and things— things were finally so good between them that he couldn’t risk things crumbling in front of him. Couldn’t risk his own problems being the reason for Felix and him to suddenly break. </p><p>“I’ve been seeing a therapist,” Sylvain spoke up suddenly, looking to the side. “For like two months now. I thought that it was about time that I stop lumping all my problems onto you and actually get some help and try to get better” he shrugged. “I don’t think that what’s wrong with me can be pushed away any longer at least. I think it’ll end up breaking something if I do.” </p><p>Careful hesitant arms wrapped around his waist as Felix kissed his shoulder. “Okay” he answered softly and comfortingly, a kind of patience and acceptance that Sylvain had come to learn from the man.</p><p>Sylvain chuckled softly, placing his hand on top of where Felix’s hands met. “I don’t want to give you anymore scares either.” </p><p>“You get drunk that’s fine” Felix mumbled. </p><p>“I don't,” Sylvain answered, figuring that if he was going to make this therapy shit matter, that lying was only going to ruin any chances of getting better. “I wasn’t drunk that night or the other nights after that I— I’m fine now. I promise but… I wasn’t drunk but I wasn’t okay either.” </p><p>Felix’s arms tensed, the other man breathing in sharply before he hugged him tighter. “Just promise me that you will never—“ </p><p>“I never will Fe. I never will again” He quickly reassured the man, turning around to cup Felix’s face with his palm. “I promise. I won’t die until I’m old and we’re both stuck in nursing homes, driving the nurses mad with all the shit that we do.” </p><p>Felix looked at him with fondness that Sylvain was still growing to accept that he was deserving of. The shorter man sighed, leaning forward to kiss him slowly and gently before pulling away, “bold of you to assume I would ever willingly let myself go to a nursing home. They’ll have to pry me out of our house first before that.” </p><p>“Our house?” Sylvain grinned. </p><p>“How many times do I have to say that this fucken apartment is too small for you to get it through that thick skull of yours?” </p><p>Sylvain laughed, his arms now loosely wrapped around Felix’s waist, “my my Fe, I don’t know about you but that sounds an awful lot like you’re asking me to live with you.” </p><p>Felix rolled his eyes before smiling at him, “would that be so bad?”</p><p>The fondness and happiness he felt now bloomed so strongly inside of him that he couldn’t help the giddy laugh that slipped out of his lips. “No, goddess no Felix. That sounds like paradise.” </p><p> </p><p><strong>+I.</strong> </p><p> </p><p>The entire neighborhood was decked from wall to wall with Christmas lights all of which were now sadly covered in snow since this was Faerghus and Faerghus didn’t believe that winter should ever be without any kind of snow and therefore made a surplus of it. </p><p>“You’re fidgeting” Felix mumbled, his eyes shifting to the side to look at Sylvain while the redhead drove. “We’re going to skid on ice if you keep doing that.” </p><p>“I have driven in Faerghus my whole life Fe, have a little faith in me” he smiled though his anxiety clearly seeped out of every word he spoke. </p><p>He was regretting coming here. Yes spending Christmas with Felix sounded heavenly and yes his therapist thought that it would be a great step forward to do this but at the same time. Spending the holidays with all of Felix’s close friends and family as his ‘official’ boyfriend, well, he nearly puked that morning. </p><p>“Look I just” he breathed in, “what if your dad hates me? What if he’s like ‘no you cannot date my son you low life’ like fuck what do I do about that” he seriously asked after he had done his best ‘dad’ voice he could muster. </p><p>Felix was unamused. “My dad knows I’m gay, has known for a really long time.” </p><p>“Yes but Felix parents <em>hate</em> me.” </p><p>“Yeah because you were never a good boyfriend before.” Sylvain pouted at the man who only scoffed at him. “You know I’m right.” </p><p>“I know! And that’s why I’m worried. What if he knows about me? About how I used to be” he mumbled. </p><p>“Then I’ll say you got therapy and you’re better now” Felix shrugged, looking around his old childhood neighborhood with boredom that only an angsty teenager could muster up. </p><p>“I’m serious Felix! I really don’t want your family to hate me, I’m really fucken serious about us” he groaned, his anxiety spiking at the realization he was mere minutes away from Felix’s home. </p><p>“Sylvain.” That caused him to quickly look at the younger man who was smiling at him reassuringly. “You’re fine. I promise they’ll like you.” </p><p>“What about Glenn? That’s— I don’t even know what to do about <em>him</em>” his hands clenched around the steering wheel. </p><p>“Look, like I told you” Felix sighed, “do whatever you’re comfortable with doing and I won’t leave your side so if you need me I’ll be there.” </p><p>Sylvain could cry. </p><p>“We’re here.” </p><p>Scratch that, he was now going to cry. “Fe baby I-”</p><p>Hands grabbed onto his face and brown honeyed eyes looked at him. “You’re fine. I promise.” </p><p>“You promise” he breathed out. Felix has never broken a promise before, it was an anchor, a landline, exactly what he needed to be able to get out of the car and follow Felix up the icy steps to his front door where the man didn’t even have to knock, pulling out his own house key and stepping inside. </p><p>“We’re here” Felix unceremoniously announced as he and Sylvain took off their shoes. The redhead nervously looked around until two sets of footsteps walked into the hallway and he felt himself about to combust. </p><p>“Felix” Rodrigue smiled, looking over to Sylvain with the kind of patience and kindness Sylvain had wished to see in his own father. “You must be Sylvain” the older man smiled as he extended his hand to him. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you.” </p><p>Sylvain chuckled nervously, “the pleasure is all mine” he smiled, shaking the man's hand and then turned to the man besides him. </p><p>Glenn. </p><p>Sylvain almost wished that Glenn had undergone some extreme makeover and was near unrecognizable but instead what he saw was the exact man he had gone to school with with the added details of now having a few scars and eye bags under his eyes. </p><p>“Glenn” the man introduced himself bluntly, extending his hand to him and for a split second Sylvain expected for the man to suddenly laugh and hug him like he used to before. For a split second he expected for Glenn to go back to how it used to be so many years ago. But instead, he looked at Sylvain as if he had never in his life seen him before. Because what else could Sylvain have expected from the man that had suffered such intense amnesia? Of course Sylvain was nothing more than a stranger to him. </p><p>“Sylvain” he answered, shaking his hand and feeling his smile tighten just a bit. </p><p>“You know, I feel like I’ve heard that name before” Glenn frowned. </p><p>“Yeah well” he breathed out, the shine in his eyes slowly dimming. “We had a few classes together in high school.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Go yell at me on  <a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/wrathiess">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>